Quitting my job: a saga

The long story on taking a sabbatical (dumb word because I'm not going back!)

I realise I’m probably a walking cliche because here I am on the internet discussing how I came to quit my job, take a sabbatical, and step off the corporate hamster wheel.

Honestly, a year ago if you had told me this, I would have said that you were insane. The idea of quitting my corporate law job with no intention of finding a new job was not in the realm of possibilities.

When a friend actually suggested a sabbatical to me in October last year, I froze. She suggested I apply for a job she was doing in Europe as a COVID safety officer on travel tours. The job came with free food, accommodation, and access to the most amazing picturesque locations. It sounded glorious. But I was paralysed by the idea. I left her on read. My thoughts were racing, “but what about money? I’ve only been working at this job for just over 6 months, how would leaving look on my CV”?, “I haven’t got enough money for that”.

So, how’d I get to that point? How’d I end up quitting?

It was January 2022 and I had just moved from New Zealand to Australia. I came with the feeling that I really wanted to find a job that was exciting and purposeful. The past two years had been spent working legal jobs that did not provide me with the fulfilment I needed. The prospect of living in a much bigger city was exciting. I hoped I would find the job I was looking for.

However, my initial plan when I moved, was to play it safe: get a job, save some money, and then think about what I really want to do with my life. Law was the “easy” route for me, easy in the sense that I knew I could quickly get a comfortable job with my previous experience.

I leapt quickly into the first corporate commercial legal role I was offered. The job was immediately stressful. I went from feeling so healthy and relaxed from the move, to eating out for every meal, barely sleeping or exercising. The combination of this new industry and role, the stress of the job, and the lack of support from my manager meant thoughts of finding “purpose” in work were quickly out the window.

I was conflicted. A large part of me thought it was important to stick out this stressful, though intellectually stimulating job. I had only just moved to Australia, and I wanted to get my foot in the door in a new country. Although unhappy, I was learning in the stressful, high volume, tight deadline environment. My Don’t Quit™ mindset did not help. I thought I needed to tough it out, and make the best of a bad situation. My colleagues also encouraged me to stay as long as I could to get the most out of this diverse and unique role. So I stayed.

Even though I quickly adapted to the role, becoming more comfortable with the volume and stress of the work , I was still so tired and mentally consumed by work. The comfort of being able to do the job, didn’t bring overwhelming joy, just quiet relief. The work become more and more meaningless, the work culture continued to make me unhappy. While I had the nagging feel that this type of work was not right for me, I could not think of an alternative.

When I went home for the holidays, my family continued to ask how work was going. Like a broken record I responded, “it’s not great, but I don’t want to leave until I find a more meaningful job. I don’t want to jump into the fire, when I don’t know if I still want to be a lawyer.” Telling so my family was a reiteration of long held feelings that I didn’t like my job. I had swum in these unhappy thoughts, but telling so many people really hit home the stagnation in my life. I didn’t like that I hadn’t changed anything, but was still talking like something would happen.

In March 2023, my friend suggested I read Paul Millerd’s book, The Pathless Path. I also started listening to his podcast and consuming more content about people on less traditional life paths. That book really made me think about shifting the focus away from “work” for the first time. Life and purpose did not need to be tied to the work that I did. I had always thought they needed to be connected. But what if I could build a purposeful life, that didn’t require work to consume me?

I still didn’t have the energy to really consider other life options under this cloud of work stress. But hearing about people who were on this unstructured, non-default life journey helped these ideas start to seep into my brain.

At the same time, another stressful work event occurred. It might have been the push I needed to make a change, to really reflect on my feelings. I could not keep living like this. I took stress leave from work.

Initially, I thought about half-assing a change in my life by finding a new law job. I even called up a former colleague to be reference. I thought maybe if I worked at a different company, in a different industry, that it might change how I felt about law. If the culture, and management was different, maybe that would be enough. And then a day later, I realised that was insane. I couldn’t wake up in a decade still living this same bland, 9-5, corporate life. The thoughts about taking a sabbatical had been moulding into ideas. I needed a sabbatical to really rest and reflect.

I quit the next day.

A work friend asked how I was feeling the day I quit, and I said, “Fucking amazing”. He laughed and said, “Clearly it was the right decision because every time I’ve asked how you are for the last few months, you’ve half-heartedly said average.” That really summed me up at the time, lacking the energy to really care.

Once I finally left for good I did not look back. It was truly a weight off my shoulders.

After making that big brave initial step, it feels like the real journey is beginning. And I love it. This space away from work has been essential. I have the energy to think about the possibilities for where my life could go. I don’t think many other decisions have made me as happy as quitting, not in a long time. This sabbatical has been truly transformative to the person I am.